As a sexually liberated Gay man, there’s one staple of “Gay culture” that I’ve been quite fond of over the years: Cruising. Cruising has given me opportunities to explore myself sexually and, in turn, learn about myself, as a whole (or a whole hoe…either works). Not to mention, it just makes sex that much more fun. However, there’s a few common things I’ve seen and experienced in cruising spaces that confuse me, if not put me off. I feel like I’m not alone in any of these, so let’s share:
It’s time to gently get to the bottom of all this Gay patriarchy (hehe…bottom).
So, I’ve been at this thot life for over a decade, now. And as someone who’s officially a fossil in “Gay Years” (i.e. 30 years old), I’ve amassed a good, collective idea of how men in “the scene” tend to carry out sexuality.
As anyone who’s followed my work knows, I’m all about relating everyday, “minor” shit to the systems that directly contribute to keeping folks oppressed. So, I wanna touch on the gender binary & patriarchy and how they’re internalized among Gay/Queer/SGL men.
Many of us homos are familiar with this persistent need to designate “The Man” and “The Woman” in any kind of pairing between two people of the same gender. With regards to men, the Bottom (the party who engages in the receptive position during intercourse) is considered “The Woman.” The Top (the party who engages in the penetrative position) is considered “The Man.” This patriarchal mentality has materialized itself in many different ways that are impossible to cover in one piece, by one person. But I’m gonna go over just some of the ways this tends to affect us sexually, since, again, I’ve got well over a decade of experience in that area. [Read more…]
…but not in the way they’d like to think.
So, at the time of this being published, we’re 2 weeks from National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. I think this is as good of a time as any to finally do a piece tackling the subject of HIV/AIDS among Black men who sleep with men (or MSM in scientific terms). I was motivated to write about this after coming across this documentary on the epidemic levels of HIV among Black, Gay men in Jackson, MS. This started as a thread on Twitter, but I felt this topic was more than due the attention of a full post.
Plus, I just recently passed my 3-year “Poz-aversary” (yes…I just made that up), so I’ll always be heavily invested.
Thanks to follower Taji for sending me this great documentary
When we talk about the HIV/AIDS epidemic among Gay men, in general, there’s often an air of (homophobia-driven) judgement and condescension, dripping with implications that any of us who contract the virus “deserve it” for our “immoral” behavior. And when you add in the racism of addressing Black, Gay men, that attitude only grows…even from other Gay men.
Now, for argument’s sake, let’s entertain that this idea of HIV being an issue of “immorality” among us, might actually have some merit, and isn’t complete and total bullshit. Even if we wanted to go along with that idea, that perhaps, Black Gay men see higher rates of HIV/AIDS due to “immorality,” well…maybe so…but it’s not immorality on our part. [Read more…]
So, I’ve decided to try something different with my blog, by taking questions from followers and answering them, here. Doing this for a few reasons:
- Making my online presence more interactive, as a lot of the time, I feel like I’m just talking at people.
- Letting followers drive more of the content, which can keep things interesting and fresh
- Gives me something to do during dry phases where I may not have particular things in mind to expand on beyond a brief Facebook post or Twitter thread.
And the first topic I’m starting with is something easy: SEXUALITY. Particularly, sexuality that centers around Queer men, mainly because it’s something easy and innate for me (where I’ve done the bulk of my critical observation and personal theories and analysis throughout my 20’s). And in addition to the 3 objectives above, I also wanted to use this as a way to outline one of my goals for my work in 2017, where I expand my blog into more of a sex-positive space. So, here we are, today!
And without further ado… [Read more…]
I don’t think I’ve made it so much of a secret that I enjoy sex…a lot. I mean, I literally have “Hoe” in my pseudonym. And anyone on following me on Twitter is well-aware of my fondness of all things sex. But yea, in case you’re new to my writing, I absolutely love sex…and this post can serve as an introduction into my views around sexuality as far as it relates to this blog. 🙂
For this topic, I think it’s important to discuss how my ability to own my sexuality in an unapologetic way was an important precursor to also owning my Blackness and Queerness in an unapologetic way. Sex-positivity, a concept which originated with feminism, has highly informed much of my attitude around LGBTQ issues and Black issues (and Black LGBTQ issues) and I believe anyone who’s looking to work towards any kind of liberation should take on a more open mindset around all things concerning sexuality. [Read more…]