WhiteGayze™ continuously prove that being LGBTQ, in and of itself, isn’t some shortcut to social awareness.
If you’ve followed my work for any length of time (particularly, my activity on Twitter), you’ll know my issues with the WhiteGayze™ have been fairly well-documented. But for the benefit of anyone who might be new to Angry Black HoeMo, I’ll give the term WhiteGayze™ a proper definition (subject to change whenever the hell I feel like doing so):
WhiteGayze™ (noun): A catch-all term that is used to highlight people who are white and LGBTQ-identified (most often gay, cisgender men, but not always), who embody and/or exhibit the many, many negative and harmful characteristics that are informed by white supremacy (in many cases, whiteness and maleness), in ways that intersect with the LGBTQ community…and are particularly harmful to LGBTQ People of Color (POC).
This includes, but is not limited to: general discriminatory attitudes towards POC (i.e. “No Blacks, No Asians”), rationalizing—and/or perpetuating—racially-insensitive behavior, appropriating slang, mannerisms and trends created by POC (and not understanding why that’s a problem), speaking for the entire LGBTQ community in ways that erase POC, fetishizing and objectifying POC in ways that give no consideration to this country’s racial history (or even present), earnestly uttering the phrase “Inner Black Woman,” etc.
Note, the term WhiteGayze™ can absolutely be applied to non-white LGBTQ people when they exhibit similar harmful behaviors…especially the affluent and/or white-passing queens, who aim to assimilate into whiteness…even if it’s to everyone else’s detriment (i.e. Uncle Tom’s).
Also, note that I address whiteness on a systemic level, as opposed to limiting it to individual actions…white ignorance isn’t just happenstance, but by design.
With all of that out of the way, let’s get to reading.
There’s this naive belief (which I think the majority of LGBTQ people of color have, at one point), that being LGBTQ gives white people some heightened ability to understand race-based oppression, due to the oppression they experience from being Queer and/or Trans/Gender Non-Conforming. History has proven, time and time again, that this isn’t quite the case. In fact, one of the more prolific Black, Queer voices of the Civil Rights Movement, James Baldwin, summed up a root issue of WhiteGayze™:
I think white gay people feel cheated because they were born, in principle, into a society in which they were supposed to be safe. The anomaly of their sexuality puts them in danger, unexpectedly. Their reaction seems to me in direct proportion to the sense of feeling cheated of the advantages which accrue to white people in a white society. There’s an element, it has always seemed to me, of bewilderment and complaint. Now that may sound very harsh, but the gay world as such is no more prepared to accept black people than anywhere else in society. It’s a very hermetically sealed world with very unattractive features, including racism.
After years of continuously being annoyed, at best—flat-out hurt, at worst—by WhiteGayze™, nothing they do really surprises me, at this point. Neither does this latest infraction. But, of course, their inability to surprise me (unfortunately) doesn’t take away from their ability to agitate the ever-loving fuck out of me with their bullshit. The latest example came up as a response to this recent, viral photo of a car sticker from a Trump supporter:
This, of course, drew a visceral reaction from many people. But not long after it’s viral-going, some WhiteGayze™ have chimed in with the following meme, in response:
I’ve seen 3 instances of this being posted around social media, so far…2 of the posters gay men, and 1 of them trans (of course, all of them white). And pretty much all of the cosigning that I’ve seen for this “Forgiveness” photo has come, seemingly entirely, from affluent and/or white people.
There are at least a couple of major problems I have with this:
First, if your privileged ass wants to forgive unabashed homophobes, that’s your prerogative, but speak for your goddamn selves. Leave the pride flag and the rest of the LGBTQ community out of it. I don’t know how forgiveness works in your, little world, but generally, an extension of peace and forgiveness from the oppressed victim is preceded by a sincere show of remorse and desire to do better from the oppressor/aggressor…neither of which has remotely happened, here. Clearly, based on the existence of that original sticker, alone, LGBTQ-phobia is still alive and well and bigoted ass people have no plans or intentions to stop. How do you “forgive” discrimination that’s literally still ongoing, at full-speed?
Not to mention, why haven’t we learned, by now, that niceness in the face of violent discrimination gets us nowhere? Reminder that gay rights didn’t gain traction in this country until a riot. I’m not sure how freedom (and I mean true freedom for ALL, not this assimilation bullshit that a lot of y’all aspire to) will ever be attained when so many people are this weak…and for no, good reason.
Second, I fully understand the context of this meme being a direct response to the Trump 2016 sticker. But you can’t overlook the historical context, in that the figure you’re jumping to forgive (on my Black-ass behalf, at that) is, ultimately, a confederate sympathizer. Confederates…y’know, the people who literally went to war to try and ensure that people like me remained in chattel slavery? For whomever made this (and I’m making a pretty safe guess that it was one of the WhiteGayze™), who the fuck are you to speak for me and any other Black, gay person on whether or not we can forgive a self-identified confederate lover? Remember that this community doesn’t revolve around you and your white-ass experiences (as much as you’d like for that to be the case).
As I always tell WhiteGayze™ (and wypipo, in general): Learn your damn place.
This isn’t the first time WhiteGayze™ have been on some tone-deaf bullshit and it certainly won’t be the last. All I know is, since my dream of packing up the entire Black LGBTQ community and shipping us off to another planet isn’t an option, we’re gonna have to keep calling out this bullshit, because, as I’ve pointed out, by virtue of being white, this bullshit ain’t gonna stop. And having an affinity towards the same gender and/or not conforming to established gender norms does nothing to change that.
I could wrap this up more eloquently but this is my blog and that’s about all I’ve got, for now, so…
Short version: I’m tired of WhiteGayze™.
If you enjoyed this post or any of my other work, consider buying me a beer and/or bourbon!
Wowww, thanks for the seriously justified rant! Tried looking into the origins of this Forgiveness 2016 bullshit but couldn’t find anything. At least it doesn’t seem to be catching on…
This is nothing more than a wordy guise you’ve narrated in order to be hostile towards white gays, nothing more.
Hint: There are white gays out there who HAVE experienced a rougher life than you, both in discriminatory and financial ways (it’s not just the affluent, hah)
So who the fuck are you to tell anyone about their experiences?
You’re no one.
I normally trash these kinds of responses, but I thought this one was especially hilarious. So, it’s on display. lol
Hahahahahahaha
My goodness, that’s a perfect “my life is hard, not privileged!” response.
You obviously have no concept our understanding of intersectionality, James -_-
Bottom line: the white folks you’re talking about received that kind of treatment due to being queer, poor, disabled, etc, not due to being white. So by default, black folks with those same factors are going to have worse experiences because not only are they experiencing prejudice for being queer, poor, disabled, etc, they’re also experiencing racism.
So yeah, sure, you can point out some white folks that have suffered. But their whiteness had nothing to do with the suffering. Therefore, their whiteness has no bearing on this discussion. If you’re just comparing queer people who suffered, statistics definitely lean toward racial minorities being the ones who suffer more from it.
Btw, I’m a pasty ass white-passing (part Native) queer trans girl who’s 80% disabled, lost my business when I came out as trans, have been homeless multiple times, and attempted suicide 7 times in my life. And I’m still smart enough to look at society and realize that I still have plenty of white privilege, considering that at every step of the way through my tough experiences, at least I never had to deal with inherent distrust just because of my skin color.
At least when I was homeless I could sleep in truck stop lounges and reading nooks at bookstores, I could sweet talk gas station employees into giving me the hot dogs off the roller grill at the end of the night instead of throwing them out, I could convince random strangers I was trustworthy enough to sleep on their couch for a night when it’s raining or snowing out. If more of my Native skin tone showed, I could have kissed that goodbye. I’d have been accused of loitering at the truck stops and bookstores; the gas station kids would have treated me like a beggar when I asked for the expired food; people wouldn’t have offered to let me sleep on their couch in the cold weather because they’d be worried I’d rape them or steal from them.
Yeah, my life has had lots of shitty parts. But it would have been way shittier if I weren’t white. And THAT’S what intersectionality is all about teaching people…
Round of applause for this shit right here!
Oh, James….. What you white people never seem to understand is that whether you come from money or not, you still come from privilege. The privilege of people looking at you and not immediately thinking “drug dealer/gang banger/murderer/uneducated” based on the color of your skin. In media your kind is always portrayed as good, honest, trustworthy…..those of us brown people are not as lucky. Even if we are born into wealthy families of respected professionals, we’re still stereotyped – or worse, told we’re “not that [insert ethnicity here]” because we have a grasp on the English language, keep up on current events, go to college, etc. Because for some reason white people think they own INTELLIGENCE -_-
You can struggle as much as you have in life, be LGBTQ, disabled, whatever and still be privileged. And you really need to sit down and STFU. You are proving how alive and well racism in the community really is.
White gay men do not experience oppression or discrimination due to their race. Gay men of color do. Thats what white privilege is about.
Dude, please. Just listen for a minnit, couldja?
This is perfection!
Yes!!! There are some vile racist Queens in the LGBTQ community. We know this. I’ve admonished gay men who’ve made jokes about Jews while sticking a chicken in the oven, I’ve was called a Nigger by Kevin D’aigle on Fire Island, people refer to other ethnicities by food items, “I don’t do beans, rice, or curry.” They constantly fetishize black men and their penises…Gay people it’s time for a Family Meeting because some of us are foul MFs and we have to deal with that.
Dude I love this is Awesome
Thank you.
You’re voicing a perspective that is important and often overshadowed by the most outspoken and powerful members of the LGBTQ community, as well as those who are simply unwitting purveyors or active perpetuators of stereotypes or racist attitudes. As a white man who doesn’t follow the WhiteGayz set of biases, I empathize with much of what you say. People of color continue to be marginalized by gay-identified white men, written off, put down, segregated, and ridiculed. White gays do struggle with white exceptionalism when for all practical purposes they live in a world in which they wouldn’t be discriminated against if they were straight. Their white privilege doesn’t insulate them from anti-gay resentment, and thus they are infuriated. The LGBTQ umbrella is no insulating factor. Instead, it’s an echo chamber in which gay white entitlement is reinforced and POC are mariginalized within that chamber; not accepted in the greater society and belittled within a supposedly protected circle. This is part of the reason I don’t identify as gay, even though I have a husband. He understands the POC perspective. Good work bringing this to light. I wouldn’t hug a Confederate flag-wearing troglodite or forgive them for perpetuating the idea that African Americans should still be enslaved. I’d kick his ass if he tried to attack me or my loved ones.
One thing you are missing is that the ‘forgiveness’ meme was not directly in response to the Trump sticker, but was in response to other subsequent memes where the rainbow figure was shown kicking the confederate figure’s ass, or raping the confederate figure. The forgiveness meme is still tired as shit, but it’s worth noting that it was only one of the later response memes.
Honestly, that doesn’t matter. I’ll state the obvious and say that the rape ones are unforgivably dense and horrid on a different vector. I could go on about the gang rape assaults of men for the crime of seeming too gay as well as other such issues in the community for starters. The others? Self-defense. We got kicked in the guts or just below in the original. Any physical response meme that avoids rape in return is a response to a direct and unprovoked attack. The forgiveness version is done by someone who clearly thinks MLK single-handedly won the civil rights effort by saying “pretty please” to placate the power elite over the protests that had their feathers ruffled. They can take a row of seats with that one.
Very interesting. However not all white gays are like the author is implying.
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
#NotAllWhiteGays lmao ? please
Speaking for myself, a WhiteGayze™, I say “bravo” to this article.
I was 100% appalled by the reaction of so many WhiteGayze™ this year when the Toronto chapter of Black Lives Matter held up the Pride Parade to deliver their list of demands. So many WhiteGayze™ I know complained bitterly about the event. How “inconvenient it was” for them that BLM delayed the parade by a whole half an hour. Anger was the least of the emotions I felt listening to this WhiteGayze™ whinging.
I just get the feeling here in Toronto that so many WhiteGayze™feel that because WhiteGayze™ now enjoy a certain amount of security and integration into the general society, why rock the boat. That they are willing to throw the POC members of the LGBT committee under the bus to protect the few scrapes that have been tossed to us from the Straight community. Appalling at best.
Yes! THANK you! And the BLM protestors were propabaly at LEAST 90-95% queer so its like…..are we not included? Important to have wypipo on the inside
Thank you for putting my unease at the counter-meme so cogently. I’m a white, gay identifying transman just to put that out there.
As a white guy who grew up in the South, I want to thank you so much for writing this.
“Not all white gays…” Oh god, are we still doing that? Really?
Every cis white gay male I know has this going on to some extent. Many white lesbians too. I have not noticed among my fellow white trans women, but I know so few that it’s not like that would be a good sample, or even relevant anyway.
It boggles my mind that people still struggle with intersectionality and lash out at pieces like this. Thank you for writing it. It is not my place to say whether or not I am shit as an anti racist, I can only do the best with what I’ve got, but I sure as shit won’t whine when anyone who does not enjoy the unearned advantages I have has something to say about it.
Brilliant.
Thankyou. I have a white pansexual friend who is always trying to assert that he is oppressed simply because of his sexuality, and that it gives him carte blanche permission to exhibit harmful opinions on women, race, and the elction of a country he doesn’t even live in. Next time, I’ll just refer him to this article.
– a white gay actively trying to not be part of the problem.
And The Beat Goes On it’s time to shine a light on those dirty little corners. This is a conversation whose time has come.
Toronto Canada here L I V I N G for ALL of this. Dealing with some serious WhiteGayze and uncle Tom’s rn. Thank you so much for this!
YASS!!
it’s funny…I saw the first sticker, and my gut reaction was to reach for the evil old iron hatpin my suffragette grandmother left me, because some people really do need a poke in the eye.
then, I saw this one, and my initial reaction was ‘what kind of hippy-dippy, new-age Christian nonsense is this?’
because, well, ‘repent’ and ‘atone’ always came first when I was the one fucked things up, see no reason at all it shouldn’t apply to folks who have done real harm in the world.
ironically, the idea of a gay person coming up with it never ever occurred to me, so I didn’t get nearly around to reminding myself that the rainbow flag’s also white-washed.
thank you for lending me your ‘obvious’.
” Toronto Canada here L I V I N G for ALL of this” #2 !!
Just a new fan. Love the writing – comments will be comments — hair flip at the end wins it all. Will be back for more of this tasty and feisty….
I came out after Uni (yeah I’m that guy), but I made an effort to talk to the gay male friends I’d had for years previously. I was especially curious what they thought about all the “no fats, no fems, no POC” lines that I’d been seeing on dating profiles. They’re both bigger body types, & were like yeah those guys are asshats for not liking bigger guys, but then they both told me they were only into other white dudes. They both came from the progressive side of my social network, so I was kinda shocked by it.
I’ve been out & dating guys for about a year now, & when I’ve asked guys about dating POC I’ve met no one that’s into those guys without it coming off as fetishy. Even the POC I’ve dated this year have been like, “yeah I’m only into white dudes.”
So much for all the, “you’ll be excepted for who you are,” lit I was reading while I was coming out. Appreciate finding your blog – resources like this have been really helpful navigating the shitstorm of being gay & single.
I’m so glad I wandered into this glorious blog. Bless you.
Straight white Australian male here, always keen to learn more about the operation of privilege from those who are harmed by it.
Thank you for this article – brilliantly written, and spot on.
I was surprised to find that amongst my nurse colleagues, it was the gay ones, male and female who were the racists. Very odd.