Unlock with PatreonBottoming 101 (Patreon Preview)
Y’all have long been asking for it, and it’s Pride Month 2019. So, I figured it’s the right time to finally get this one out of the drafts. These are just a few of my best bottoming tips for beginners. Let’s dive right in (pun intended)!
Have a partner who’s not an asshole
(Pun not intended, here)
While I don’t think a romantic, or otherwise conventionally “deep,” connection is necessary to have great sex, I do think good sexual chemistry with partners matters a lot (and let’s be clear that sexual and romantic connections aren’t one and the same). And ensuring you’re with someone who will be empathetic and patient, and (understanding that you’re new to this) will prioritize your pleasure. Having someone who can routinely check in, ask how you’re feeling, listen to basic cues, read body language, make necessary adjustments, etc. will make for a much smoother experience.
Don’t believe the lie that sex has to be bad the first time. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you should settle into it and it shouldn’t be outright painful.
Lube. Lube. Lube.
Someday, you might graduate to the level where spit is all you need…but that day is not today. Use lube. Periodt. [Read more…]
It’s Past Time To Raise Our Standards for “Allies”
At the 2019 GLAAD Media Awards, held last Thursday, Beyoncé and Jay-Z were presented with this year’s Vanguard Award. This is an award is meant to annually acknowledge people who don’t identify as LGBTQ, but are considered to have made great strides towards promoting the acceptance of LGBTQ people (in other words, it’s an award for LGBTQ “allies”). When I first learned that GLAAD was planning on presenting them with this award a couple of weeks back, I…immediately had questions.
In doing a little digging to figure out what all, exactly, Bey & Jay have done to help advance the plight of LGBTQ people, the answers that I found largely just reaffirmed what I’d long figured. That their advocacy is cool, but nothing particularly risky, threatening to the status quo or revolutionary. Look, y’all know I love me some Beyoncé (and Jay-Z is cool too, or whatever). But let’s be honest. This award is just…not it. [Read more…]
Kevin Hart, Forgiveness and “Cancel Culture”
Let’s just dive right into it because there’s quite a bit to cover here.
Over the past week, actor and “comedian” Kevin Hart has come under fire for past tweets that conveyed some bigoted and, in some cases violent, views around Gay people. Here are just a few of them:
Many people attempted to brush this off by saying that these tweets are “old” and “you have to give people a chance to change.” Here’s the thing about that…yes, I absolutely believe in giving people the opportunity to change. Opportunity. That doesn’t mean coddling and assuming change. Bigotry doesn’t magically disappear with time; it takes intentional work, an active desire to un/learn and tangible action. I still need to see intentionality and evidence of growth; neither of which he’s shown. The best he’s done is avoid talking about the subject and that, in and of itself, is not a sign of growth.
We literally have a 70+ year-old racist/anti-LGBTQ/misogynist/ableist/etc. sitting in the white house right now. Time didn’t just magically cure an ounce of President Tangerine’s bigotry, now did it? And given that anti-LGBTQ hate crimes are actually increasing, why would we just assume that people are magically learning not to hate LGBTQ people?
Some Kevin apologists have cited an interview he did for Rolling Stone back in 2015 as (the lone) evidence that he apologized…even though it wasn’t an apology, at all. He never actually admitted wrongdoing, or made clear that he wouldn’t project his insecurities around Gayness and femininity onto his son—let alone bothering to do the work of unlearning his views. He simply said that he wouldn’t make those kinds of “jokes” anymore because people are “too sensitive” these days and he wanted to avoid backlash. If that’s your idea of an apology worthy of our acceptance, then let’s just stop right here, acknowledge that you think very little of Gay people and go. [Read more…]
Immigration is Very Much A Black Issue
With the unavoidable amount of coverage of issues around immigration and deportation in the U.S., there’s one prevailing narrative among a portion of Black people. There’s an argument that Black activists, organizers and others in our communities need not put our time and efforts into addressing immigration because “that’s not our issue.”
This is an entirely nonsensical (albeit very much typical) stance for several reasons: [Read more…]
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