At 30 years old, I’ve been on this “Gay thot” shit for a good while and have amassed a lot of observations about Gay sexuality and how we tend to operate. It’s mostly been some great, if not epic, times had, but man…
To paraphrase SZA, top niggas do not deserve bussy.
— Marq (@_hoemo) December 29, 2017
I wanna close out 2017 by calling in all of you total tops and highlight a few of your common behaviors that you really need to cut. Bottoms are fed up, and it’s time for you to do better or get left assless.
Let’s plunge right into it (FYI, this piece might have a few puns…you’re gonna deal with that).
Like…..why? I mean, I know there are (weak) reasons why some people like this, but…..nah. It’s a waste. It creates extra clean-up, and lowkey defeats the purpose. Enough of this wack practice. Give me my prize where I want it. Thanks!
Assuming all bottoms are submissive
I’ve discussed this in previous work, but it bears repeating. Tops often assume that, by virtue of the fact that we get fucked (i.e. perform a “woman’s role”), that bottoms are inherently submissive. More times than I care to recall, I’ve had to pause a session because I needed to give queues to a dude to stop slapping me in the face, spitting on me, calling me a bitch/faggot, etc., when I never consented to any of that. I have a submissive side that I’ll go into occasionally…but that’s uncommon enough that there’s really no need to assume you’ll tap into that (told y’all about the puns).
Now, if you want guys who are submissive, that’s fine. But get consent beforehand. Stop assuming that, just because someone gets fucked, they’re just gonna just be down for whatever D/s vibe you’re on. For that matter, stop projecting cis-heteronormative shit onto us. Meaning, stop associating bottoming with women. And while we’re at it, stop associating women with submission. Enough of the patriarchal foolishness.
Also, reminder that dominant bottoms and submissive tops exist…and a whole range of shit in between.
Bringing us your unwashed dicks
Seriously…HOW. FUCKING. DARE YOU?
It says a lot about how some tops view us bottoms (or perhaps how you view yourselves), that you’d actually want someone to wrap their mouths around a dick that you haven’t even attempted to clean. All the work that bottoms have to do to prepare for sex, yet you bum ass dudes can’t even be bothered to do the bare minimum of TAKING A DAMN SHOWER?! At least stand over the sink and wash it off with soap. Something.
Oh, and while you’re down there? Take a pass at the taint and crack, too. You do realize most of us have functioning noses and can detect when you haven’t washed your ass, right? Hygiene ain’t just for bottoms, y’all.
Shaming bottoms for “accidents”
Look, I get it. “Painting” is gonna be a mood-killer for most people and it’s not a fun time (save for those who have a legitimate fetish for this kinda thing). But reminder that you’re literally sticking your dick into an anus. Passing shit out of the body is its primary purpose. Contrary to what many believe, the “bottom diet” and cleaning regimens are never gonna be a perfect science, and if we just never eat, we’ll…y’know…die. So, the occasional accidents are inevitable. You’ll live. Not saying you have to be thrilled about it, but stop cancelling guys and making them feel bad for their bodies simply doing what they’re supposed to do.
Another thing to consider, here, is bottoms sometimes feel pressured to hurry through cleaning out before they might really be ready, because a lot of you tops also are real good for…
Rushing bottoms through prep work
I feel like the same tops who shame bottoms for not being spotless every single time are ones who also expect us to be ready to go at their beck and call.
That’s not how this shit works…that’s not how any of this shit works (hehe).
A lot of tops will hit up a bottom, trying to hook up, but make it very clear that they’ll move on to the next one if he’s not ready within about 5 nanoseconds. So, then, said bottom feels like he has to hurry up and get to an adequate level of clean. Sometimes that can happen in 15-20 minutes…sometimes it takes longer. Either way, you just need to deal and wait. You can’t rush bottoms into a hookup, then shame them and cut them off when a “picasso”-type situation happens.
And while we’re on the subject, if a bottom tells you he has to “shower” or “get some work done real quick” before hooking up, read between the lines. Be patient and honor the process.
Disrespecting bottoms’ “angles” (a.k.a. the “S” curve)
So, a bottom feels like he’s gotten into the groove, he’s taking it like a champ, all’s great. Then things go left.
…no, really…the dude will randomly point his dick left and just ram it. This is…NOT comfortable.
In some cases, it really can just be chalked up to inexperienced tops who need to work on their aim. Any reasonable top is seeking mutual enjoyment, not to actually hurt their partners (again, some people have specific fetishes that say otherwise…and as long as consent is gained beforehand, it’s fine). But some of these dudes are truly sadistic assholes.
I believe a lot of (bad) tops get an ego boost from hurting bottoms and making us “run” from the dick. So, when they come across someone who can actually take it (i.e. me ??), they’ll deliberately start giving bad strokes to make it uncomfortable. Then, like the headass bastards they are, will ask “why you runnin?”
These people should be denied sex…forever.
Thinking you’re not disposable
Finally? Don’t think your shit don’t stink (especially since I literally covered that earlier in this piece). There’s long been this idea that tops are these rare prizes to be coveted and sought after, and I think many are aware of that perception and take it to heart. But frankly, versatile dudes are out here blowing out backs proper—with dicks that they actually washed beforehand—and will have y’all left in the bottomless dust.
Step your game up.
What’s some other annoying shit that tops do? Feel free to get your frustrations out in the comments!
If you enjoyed this post or any of my other work, consider buying me some bourbon!
I am a straight woman who enjoys anal and I could nor stop laughing. Everything was so true lol I love the way you write.